"So What If I Like Pretty Things" or "The Ubiquitous List Of Gratitude"

I am thankful for...

...The Mountain Goats
...being able to be there for my friends
...my sister
...James McDaniel
...StumbleUpon
...potluck dinners
...my parents
...Rilo Kiley
...protein synthesis
...Lindsey Mullen
...The Mates of State
...handwritten letters to Darfuri refugees
...Apwonjo
...libraries
...Linn Groft
...movies
...space heaters
...Disney
...kissing
...soft blankets
...winter
...Christmas
...NPR
...Faulkner
...poetry
...Ryan Scruggs
...soup
...cumulus clouds
...Laura Bradburn
...Iggy& The Stooges
...Jimmy Stewart
...lolcats
...Ira Colvin and my wonderful job
...Ryan Spain
...The Kendricks
...Lydia Atkins
...calendars
...notebooks
...pencils
...pillows
...Alex Cornett
...cameras
...thrift stores
...polka-dots
...my dogs
...Gribbin House
...birds
...Andy Griffith
...Ella Fitzgerald
...Logan Yates
...Walt Whitman
...Kat Wood
...Liz Mitchell
...holding hands
...picnics
...grandparents
...Montgomery
...Forrest Gump
...Barack Obama
...evolution
...mitochondria
...children
...play-dough
...crayons
...candles
...lightbulbs
...rain
...Ryan Cooper

<3gen

"I'm Starting To Think That Everything I Do Annoys You" or "Sentimental Heart, by She&Him"

Cried all night 'til there was nothin' more
What use am I as a heap on the floor?
Heaving devotion but it's just no good
taking it hard just like you knew I would

O-o-old habits die hard when you got,
when you got a sentimental heart
Piece of the puzzle, you're my missing part
Oh what can you do with a sentimental heart?

Cried all night 'til there was nothin' more
What use am i as a heap on the floor
Heaving devotion but it's just no good
Taking it hard just like you knew I would

O-o-old habits die hard
When you got, when you got a sentimental heart
Piece of the puzzle, I'm your missing part
Oh what can you do with a sentimental heart?
Oh what can you do with a sentimental heart?
Oh what can you do with a sentimental heart?

"To Whom It May Concern" or "The Year Of Collapsed Lungs"

Dear Genevieve,

It has recently come to our attention that the event that you have worked so diligently on has come to fruition. We hear that you were successful in educating your campus about the genocide in Darfur, and for that, we applaud you. However, due to your dedication to your cause, you have taken part in behaviors that are detrimental to your health. We here, in your insides, request that you cease and desist these activities immediately.

Two lattes and a burrito at 3AM does not constitute 3 meals a day. Nor does 2 hotpockets at 11AM qualify you to not eat again for the rest of the day. Coffee is not a fruit, vegetable, or protein, and we ask that when you do partake of it, you do not equate it with a healthy lunch option. Also, let us bring to your attention that ingesting 52grams of caffeine a day to compensate for lack of sleep is not, let us say, the proper answer to poor sleep patterns. We suggest that instead, you sleep more.

This brings us to our next point, that 2-4 hours of sleep per night is unacceptable. This has gone on far too long and we can no longer support you if you insist upon staying awake for completely inappropriate lengths of time. You should FOR NO REASON be awake at 4AM, especially if you have not yet gone to sleep. This goes also for 3AM, 5AM, and 6AM. The hours of sleep that you have been getting are by no one's standard adequate, and we will be forced to make you lose consciousness at very inconvenient times if you continue to behave in this manner.

We have been informed that you have the following to finish before December 12: French Oral Exam, French Final, English Paper, English Final, 2 Full-Size self-portraits, Final Blount Presentation, Political Science Final, and a Political Science Group Project. We understand that this is overwhelming and can, at time, make you not eat or sleep. However, we would like to assure you that if you do not receive proper nourishment or rest, these projects will still not be done well or be finished.

If you do not comply with these requests, we will be forced to take immediate action. We do not want to use our powers to take over the well-being of this body, but if we have to, by god, we'll throw you on the floor in art class and get you into a hospital bed by the end of the week.

Have a nice day.

Sincerely Yours,
Your Insides

"Man can be as big as he wants. No problem of human destiny is beyond the human being."

I am writing this so that I may save it. So that I may say that I was there, the night before Election Day of 2008, the night before everything changed.

I won't take the time to write about politics, because that is over. I won't take the time to write about the candidates, the issues, or anything else that this campaign season is about. You're tired of hearing it, I'm tired of talking about it.

What I will say is that I am so incredibly excited to be on the edge of history. I am right in the middle of my country making a change, taking a different path, and transforming into the nation that I know we are. Where we take care of the sick and the needy, we educate our children, we provide an example of greatness to the world, and we can hold our heads high and say that we are a home for freedom and humanity at its finest.

I am ready to be proud of my country. I am ready to listen to believe in our dreams. I am ready to stop being angry and disappointed by the state of my home and my people. I am ready to be proud of my country.

Please, with all of my heart and my soul, I beg each and every one of you to take this final night, look at the issues and vote. I won't tell you who to vote for, but I say that you need to have a hand in this. This is a huge event in our history, and to pass up the chance to have a part in it is sure to be a great regret in the years to come.

Vote, and be proud of it.

I am ready to be proud.

See you guys tomorrow, on the victory lap.

<3gen

"All The Matter In The World Is How Much That I Like You" or "The Truth About Genny The Brave"

These are the possible weaknesses of my personality profile, ENFP, from the Myers-Briggs Test. They are uncanny and unnerving in its accuracy. You learn something new every day- but didn't I already know all these things?

>May be what many would call a "sucker"; vulnerable to schemers and con artists.

>May get themselves into dangerous situations because they're too eager to push the envelope of their understanding, and not willing to apply judgment to anything.

>May feel intense anger towards people who criticize them of try to control them. But will be unable to express the anger. Left unexpressed, the anger may fester and become destructive.

>May blame their problems on other people, using logic and ration to defend themselves against the world.

>May develop strong negative judgments that are difficult to unseed against people who they perceive have been oppressive to them.

>May get involved with drugs, alcohol, pr promiscuity, and generally seek mindless experiences and sensations.

>May seem smothering in relationships due to their enthusiasm and intensity of feelings, and as they often ask how the other is doing and what they are feeling.

>May have extremely negative reactions to criticism and conflict.

>May have difficulty leaving a relationship long after it has turned bad.

>May need to be given affirmation and positive assurance in order to feel that they are doing things right and have not hurt others' feelings.

>May tend to feel emotions at a heightened sense compared to others, and can seem dramatic or easily affected. However, their feelings are genuine.

Oh goodness.

<3gen

"Working For The Clampdown" or "Your Heavy Kisses Don't Know My Worries"

Once again, things are coming apart at the seams. Why do you bother reading here anymore? We know what it will say: "I'm overhwelmed blah blah blah boys blah blah schoolwork is too much blah blah my own fault blah blah tears blah blah boys again blah blah to- do list."

Well, I suppose today is to-do list day.

-Get advised, even though you're already a day behind
-Meet with French teacher about what you missed this morning due to alarm clock malfunction
-Get at least starting coat of compressed charcoal on drawing
-Physical therapy appointment at 3:30
-Math Test at 6:30 tomorrow, which you haven't studied for enough
-Engish Midterm tomorrow 9:30
-Read for Blount and have outline for project done [this feels impossible]
-Work tonight from 5-8:30
-Finish homecoming display by Friday
-Get ready for DC next week, and explain to your teachers how much class you have to miss
-Keep personal life personal
-Remember basic things: eat, sleep, cellular function

I have not been myself this semester. I have been a complete slacker, the worst procrastination I've been a part of in a long time. I am not taking care of myself, I am not taking care of business. I am so afraid I am going to fail. My personal life is in utter upheaval. That is, by no means, helping.

But I totally have time to blog about my problems. Yes, that make sense.

<3gen

"The Ways That God Speaks" or "The Clampdown"

I have this weird psychic connection with music sometimes. There are these moments, these tiny little flecks of the universe that travel through my radio when I'm least expecting it and the universe talks to me. It reveals something. Tells me what I need to hear.

When I was in highschool, I was driving to the Barnes&Noble in my town that I knew this boy frequented often. I knew that he didn't like me, and I knew that the night he kissed me the week before prom was silly and he had been drunk and it hadn't meant anything. And yet I was skipping a movie date with friends, and avoiding homework to drive to the bookstore with the slight chance that he might be there. I was a silly 17 year-old. On the way there, as I waited at a traffic light, my car quieted down enough for me to hear the song playing off a Dashboard Confessional CD I had playing low. The lines "No one is waiting for you" repeated over and over again, and I turned off the music. It was right. He never showed, but my heart skipped a beat every time I saw headlights park out front.

Again, within this past year, yet another problem with the men in my life. This one I'd been going back and forth over, questioning myself and pulling back, moving forward, questioning judgment and changing my mind. I didn't know what I was doing or even how I felt, but I knew it wasn't good and I was unhappy. Again, I turned up the music at a redlight on the way to his house, and the radio played this time. The end of a song by "All American Rejects" where the line is repeated, "It ends tonight. It ends tonight." I listened, and it did.

And now, tonight. Several weeks of completely overwhelming activity. Schoolwork piling up, extra-curriculars filling to the brim and overflowing, my eyes welling up in the daytime with the sting of feeling like a failure. Not even to go into the emotional tightrope I've been walking recently with strange sorts of crushes, confusing kisses, phone calls from boys in Illinois, proposals, and sad boys who beg for me back, sometimes my heart has to remind me that I promised to leave it alone for a while. This week, albeit only Tuesday, it seems I'm caught in the trash compactor from Star Wars- my greatest fear growing up as a child. The walls close in on both sides and there's no where to go but dead. Tonight I finished French homework, only to be kept awake by the pain in my leg that I can not subdue with heavy painkillers because then I won't be able to wake up at 6AM to get to school early and finish my art project by 1PM. I start music playing, but mute it while I write in my planner, and I turn in back on to hear the Clash just yelling at me:

"The voices in your head are calling
Stop wasting your time, there's nothing coming
Only a fool would think someone could save you"

Now what am I supposed to make of that? Do I want to know?

I'm praying myself to sleep tonight.

<3gen