Oh goodness the things you have been missing while your gone! There have been so many opportunities for late-night talks and advice that we've missed! However, I have come to the belief that sometimes I need to make the wrong decisions, decisions that you would tell me not to make, and maybe I would listen.
Decisions, let's say, like going drinking with your ex boyfriend, becoming inebriated past the safe zone that exists between exes and alcohol, and getting into a no-holds-barred, nothing-off-limits scream-fest where you both yell at the top of your lungs at each other in brutal and wounding honesty about everything you were ever too afraid to say.
Yes, probably a mistake. However, after this exchange, and a slightly hungover talk the following morning, we can now be friends. It took an hour-and-a-half fight to get everything out on the table, to leave nothing unsaid, and I yelled and he yelled back for once and we quit caring about awkwardness and boundaries and hurting each other's feelings and we just said every damn thing we've ever not said for fear. I think it's the healthiest things we ever did for our relationship.
Now we can be around each other, talk about things, see each other. And there's nothing under the surface, no questions, no burning desire to yell the things you still want to say because you never did, no wondering what the other person has been going through without you, we know exactly how we feel. It was painful, and there were tears and everything else that goes along with trauma and grief, but we are further than we've ever been, and I feel like I have overcome one of the greatest obstacles of my present life.
In other news, I'm in Birmingham and in a few short hours I am going yard-saling with Ryan and James. I took a long nap tonight on my couch, a glorious post-cheesecake nap with a movie on the TV and my dogs on the floor beside me. So now, of course, I am brightly awake.
I wish you were here, but I also feel like I am learning a whole new kind of independence that I not only didn't know I didn't have, but I didn't know I needed at all! Now I'm discovering an independence from Lindsey. I am now not talking to you before every decision I make, talking every decision through after I made it, sharing every feeling I ever have with you exactly the moment or many moments I feel it. Now I've got to think things through myself, make decisions and just figure it out as I go along. In reality, it's helping me give up a little more control in my life, as we all know I tend to be a control freak, at least compared to my gloriously free-spirited best friend.
Who knew that the scariest thing in my life, being alone, would also teach me things I didn't even know I needed to learn?
Has this sort of life been out there all along?
Have people always been able to accomplish things completely alone?
This is freakin nuts, man.
This is my very early Saturday morning.
I am ecstatic to be home.
I miss you greatly.
<3gen
P.S. Just so you know, don't think this will last. Once you're home, I'm going back to being dependent on your spirit to float me through the chaotic spaces. But you know, for now, I'm Miss Independence, 2008.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
"20 Minutes Away From Work" or "Too Long Away From Going Home" or "A New Way of Titling Posts"
I am completely plagiarizing titling style from my new favorite book, Eat Love Pray, from the lovely lady to whom this blog is always addressed. To you, my friend, who have brought me so much joy, and continue to bring to me even with miles and oceans between us.
I am in Barnes&Noble [put an S at the end of that if you think like my father], because the internet is out all over Tuscaloosa except this place, which is why there are so many people here clogging the bandwidth that it's taken me a while to make it through my daily internet-checking and get to this blog. I wanted to post the quote that I read in the last few pages of Eat Love Pray that spoke to me so loudly and powerfully that I was brought to tears, but the book is at home, as I didn't bring it with me since I stayed up all night to finish it.
Next please, Mullen?
Anyhow, I go home in 4 days and I am beyond ready for it. I want to do nothing but read. How long has it been since I read a book, dove into it and rested inside of it for so long? I realized how desperately I missed reading, and as you can also tell from reading I'm sure, I also missed writing. This book has woken me up in so many ways, for what I miss, for what I was missing, for what I don't want to miss. Going home to my family and my dogs will be my Ashram in India [I think I already wrote that previously, but it bears repeating].
Mom: I want you to read this book as fast as you can. Faster than you read Harry Potter. I want to talk about it with you so badly. I think with you being with me for 21 years, plus reading this book, no one in the world will know be better than you. Not anyone.
So I'm done with my coffee and must ride off to Target. I get cashier trained today, so that should be fun. Right before I have the week off, so I have just enough time to forget all of it by the time I get back. I don't even care, Lalalalalalala!
This is my early Monday afternoon.
I miss you, my Mullen.
[Me and Cooper keep planning these parties we're having in our new place, and we realized last night that the only person we keep talking about inviting is you. We can't wait]
I love you.
<3gen
I am in Barnes&Noble [put an S at the end of that if you think like my father], because the internet is out all over Tuscaloosa except this place, which is why there are so many people here clogging the bandwidth that it's taken me a while to make it through my daily internet-checking and get to this blog. I wanted to post the quote that I read in the last few pages of Eat Love Pray that spoke to me so loudly and powerfully that I was brought to tears, but the book is at home, as I didn't bring it with me since I stayed up all night to finish it.
Next please, Mullen?
Anyhow, I go home in 4 days and I am beyond ready for it. I want to do nothing but read. How long has it been since I read a book, dove into it and rested inside of it for so long? I realized how desperately I missed reading, and as you can also tell from reading I'm sure, I also missed writing. This book has woken me up in so many ways, for what I miss, for what I was missing, for what I don't want to miss. Going home to my family and my dogs will be my Ashram in India [I think I already wrote that previously, but it bears repeating].
Mom: I want you to read this book as fast as you can. Faster than you read Harry Potter. I want to talk about it with you so badly. I think with you being with me for 21 years, plus reading this book, no one in the world will know be better than you. Not anyone.
So I'm done with my coffee and must ride off to Target. I get cashier trained today, so that should be fun. Right before I have the week off, so I have just enough time to forget all of it by the time I get back. I don't even care, Lalalalalalala!
This is my early Monday afternoon.
I miss you, my Mullen.
[Me and Cooper keep planning these parties we're having in our new place, and we realized last night that the only person we keep talking about inviting is you. We can't wait]
I love you.
<3gen
Sunday, June 15, 2008
"The Quiet Girl In the Back of the Temple" or "How I Was Never Intended"
I've been away from this for a while, 1)because I have been working 6-8 hours at Target every single day for about 2 weeks, 2) our internet at the apartment all of a sudden came to the conclusion that it had a password, when in fact it did not and 3) I have been reading Eat, Pray, Love every chance I get.
How did you know, LindseyLou? How did you know that this book was written by me in my sleep, and that the character narrating is living my life, having my crises, experiencing my challenges? This book is changing my life, in ways that I do not have the time nor the character space to reveal in one post, but I will be soon. I want to talk to you about this book so much. I crave nothing more than coming over to your house, sitting on your kitchen floor, eating hummus and tortillas, and pointing out every passage and what it taught me. I want it so badly right now.
Actually, there is one thing that I crave greater even then your presence at this moment, and that is the very soon possibility of going home. Spending this Thursday through next Sunday at my home will be my way of going to an Ashram in India. This last month, it occurs to me, has been nothing but work, lack of sleep, and time alone. I spend so much more time alone than I ever have, and it has been greatly therapeutic, but I need a break from myself. And God knows I need a break from Target. I can't wait to go home, talk to me mom all day long, see Ryan Spain and see James, go to the Buddhist center and have some quiet time, maybe see a movie with Laura and James. I want to go visit Smiths, stay up late talking to my sister and having her read over the story I'm writing.
I want to spend 8 days where I don't think about Target, Daniel, Ben, food, money, gas, air conditioning, the new apartment, my messy room, how much I miss Ira every day, my broken CD player, my own lack of sleep, or how badly I need a shower. I will stay at home, take a bubble bath every day, play with my dogs and tell my mother everything. God just thinking about it is euphoric.
I did have a bit of peace last night. I took an hour-long, hot bath, complete with candles and piano music. I also ate a bowl of chocolate ice cream sitting right there in the tub, because I could. And I had no one who was waiting on me to call, no one who was telling me I had to sleep, nor reason to get up early in the morning. It was glorious.
Being single rocks.
Being me rocks.
[Oh what this book has done for me, you will never hear the end of it. How you have blessed my life amazes me every new day. But how it makes me miss you!]
This is my very very early Sunday morning.
Thank you endlessly for giving me this book.
I miss you, but peacefully.
<3gen
How did you know, LindseyLou? How did you know that this book was written by me in my sleep, and that the character narrating is living my life, having my crises, experiencing my challenges? This book is changing my life, in ways that I do not have the time nor the character space to reveal in one post, but I will be soon. I want to talk to you about this book so much. I crave nothing more than coming over to your house, sitting on your kitchen floor, eating hummus and tortillas, and pointing out every passage and what it taught me. I want it so badly right now.
Actually, there is one thing that I crave greater even then your presence at this moment, and that is the very soon possibility of going home. Spending this Thursday through next Sunday at my home will be my way of going to an Ashram in India. This last month, it occurs to me, has been nothing but work, lack of sleep, and time alone. I spend so much more time alone than I ever have, and it has been greatly therapeutic, but I need a break from myself. And God knows I need a break from Target. I can't wait to go home, talk to me mom all day long, see Ryan Spain and see James, go to the Buddhist center and have some quiet time, maybe see a movie with Laura and James. I want to go visit Smiths, stay up late talking to my sister and having her read over the story I'm writing.
I want to spend 8 days where I don't think about Target, Daniel, Ben, food, money, gas, air conditioning, the new apartment, my messy room, how much I miss Ira every day, my broken CD player, my own lack of sleep, or how badly I need a shower. I will stay at home, take a bubble bath every day, play with my dogs and tell my mother everything. God just thinking about it is euphoric.
I did have a bit of peace last night. I took an hour-long, hot bath, complete with candles and piano music. I also ate a bowl of chocolate ice cream sitting right there in the tub, because I could. And I had no one who was waiting on me to call, no one who was telling me I had to sleep, nor reason to get up early in the morning. It was glorious.
Being single rocks.
Being me rocks.
[Oh what this book has done for me, you will never hear the end of it. How you have blessed my life amazes me every new day. But how it makes me miss you!]
This is my very very early Sunday morning.
Thank you endlessly for giving me this book.
I miss you, but peacefully.
<3gen
Monday, June 9, 2008
"Pillows and Naps" or "Maybe That's All A Family Really Is, A Group Of People Who Miss The Same Imaginary Place"
If you come home, and I have gone into hiding because I kidnapped Ira and I can never go out into the world again, don't be too surprised.
Today we had the beanbag and these big pillows on th ground so that the kids could have a little rest time [we had been playing outside for about 20 minutes and that was enough to put them all on the verge of passing out] and watch Toy Story. Ellis likes to call it Buzz Lightyear Saves Woody, but I think that really misses the point of the film.
Anyway, Ira was getting really tired, as were most of the kids who had been there almost 4 hours, and he was kind of whiny. I heard him crying and motioned him over to me where I was sitting at one of our little tables, me and Brandi and Roni were gluing their craft project to orange construction paper. He walked up next to me and had tears on his face and sat in my lap.
"What's a matter, Ira? Tell me."
"Mary Cate has her feet on my pillow."
"Well we can share the pillows, we can fit two friends on each pillow, so can we try to share?"
"But you are stupposed to sweep on my piwwow."
"I have to finish gluing your fish to the paper so that you can give it to your mommy!"
"But you'wre too fawr away."
So I went and laid down on the pillow next to Ira and he fell asleep on my arm. When his mommy came, I woke him up and he got so excited and ran to his mommy and yelled "I missed you mommy!!" and handed her the fish. I walked out into the hallway when he left, because he was the last one to leave, and he saw me and said, "Wait mommy I didn't hug Miss Genny!" and he ran from down the hall into my arms and hugged me and said he loved me.
Why did I think I ever needed(sodesparately) the kind of love I had(orthoughtIalwayshad), when there was that kind of love(unconditionalperfect) in the world for me?
This is my Monday night.
VBS was really fun.
I really wish you were here.
<3gen
Today we had the beanbag and these big pillows on th ground so that the kids could have a little rest time [we had been playing outside for about 20 minutes and that was enough to put them all on the verge of passing out] and watch Toy Story. Ellis likes to call it Buzz Lightyear Saves Woody, but I think that really misses the point of the film.
Anyway, Ira was getting really tired, as were most of the kids who had been there almost 4 hours, and he was kind of whiny. I heard him crying and motioned him over to me where I was sitting at one of our little tables, me and Brandi and Roni were gluing their craft project to orange construction paper. He walked up next to me and had tears on his face and sat in my lap.
"What's a matter, Ira? Tell me."
"Mary Cate has her feet on my pillow."
"Well we can share the pillows, we can fit two friends on each pillow, so can we try to share?"
"But you are stupposed to sweep on my piwwow."
"I have to finish gluing your fish to the paper so that you can give it to your mommy!"
"But you'wre too fawr away."
So I went and laid down on the pillow next to Ira and he fell asleep on my arm. When his mommy came, I woke him up and he got so excited and ran to his mommy and yelled "I missed you mommy!!" and handed her the fish. I walked out into the hallway when he left, because he was the last one to leave, and he saw me and said, "Wait mommy I didn't hug Miss Genny!" and he ran from down the hall into my arms and hugged me and said he loved me.
Why did I think I ever needed(sodesparately) the kind of love I had(orthoughtIalwayshad), when there was that kind of love(unconditionalperfect) in the world for me?
This is my Monday night.
VBS was really fun.
I really wish you were here.
<3gen
"It All Goes Downhill After the Wedding, 1941" or "We'll Count Every Beautiful Thing That We See"
Tonight I'm having trouble sleeping.
I've almost finished Everything Is Illuminated, and I'm waiting to find that passage that you told me about, the one that talks about everything beautiful being jewish, and I want to send it to Rutsky and hope that he isn't mad at me anymore. I don't know why he is mad at me in the first place, but whatever the reason, I hope that it makes him love me again.
Ryan Spain is in Disneyworld and I am so jealous of him. I have missed him lately.
Cooper and I are going on some more apartment hunting tomorrow, after vacation bible school. I have tomorrow and Wednesday off, which will be wonderful. I have been absolutely run ragged lately. I feel like Target is eating my life. Some days are better than others. Yesterday was very hard and difficult, today was fairly nice and fun. It should get easier with time, most things do.
As soon as I get past my 90-day trial period, when they can fire you for any reason, I'm going to dye my hair pink. I suppose so that they can fire me with a reason. But i don't care, my hair needs to be pink and it needs to be pink very soon.
I miss you. I miss just knowing you're around, just the energy you give me. Some days are easier than others, to live this new life I'm living. Ben asked Cooper if he would ask me if I wanted to get back together, and the mere thought of it just made me sigh with anticipation of the effort of feeling emotion again. Feelings feel so heavy now, like I'm dragging the ground. I haven't thought of heartbreak in so long, of need, of affection. Now those feelings are nothing but chores.
Is that what I wanted?
This is my early Monday morning.
I can see Ira soon.
My true love.
<3gen
I've almost finished Everything Is Illuminated, and I'm waiting to find that passage that you told me about, the one that talks about everything beautiful being jewish, and I want to send it to Rutsky and hope that he isn't mad at me anymore. I don't know why he is mad at me in the first place, but whatever the reason, I hope that it makes him love me again.
Ryan Spain is in Disneyworld and I am so jealous of him. I have missed him lately.
Cooper and I are going on some more apartment hunting tomorrow, after vacation bible school. I have tomorrow and Wednesday off, which will be wonderful. I have been absolutely run ragged lately. I feel like Target is eating my life. Some days are better than others. Yesterday was very hard and difficult, today was fairly nice and fun. It should get easier with time, most things do.
As soon as I get past my 90-day trial period, when they can fire you for any reason, I'm going to dye my hair pink. I suppose so that they can fire me with a reason. But i don't care, my hair needs to be pink and it needs to be pink very soon.
I miss you. I miss just knowing you're around, just the energy you give me. Some days are easier than others, to live this new life I'm living. Ben asked Cooper if he would ask me if I wanted to get back together, and the mere thought of it just made me sigh with anticipation of the effort of feeling emotion again. Feelings feel so heavy now, like I'm dragging the ground. I haven't thought of heartbreak in so long, of need, of affection. Now those feelings are nothing but chores.
Is that what I wanted?
This is my early Monday morning.
I can see Ira soon.
My true love.
<3gen
Saturday, June 7, 2008
"Miss Genny always makes me happy when I'm sad." --Ira
Oh how badly Cooper and I wished you were here last night!
After finding out that Cooper was still a bar-virgin since his 21st in January, we decided to go out last night and deflower him right away. We had both been working all week and it was the first night we both had off together. We only went two places, Little Willies and the Downtown Pub, and they were both really low key and relatively uncrowded. Little Willie's is still my favorite place, and we have to hang out there.
Anyway, after spending about a month with just each other in the house, we managed to have a night out together and still talk and have a great time laughing and enjoying each other's company. I've complained before that Cooper will never be a real friend for me because we can never talk about emotional stuff, but I'm beginning to think that might be a good thing. I can get way too emotional about everything, and sometimes all I talk about are relationships and emo problems. With Cooper, I talk about other things, funny things, and I can be shill and comfortable and maybe it's a good thing that I have a friend in my life who I don't talk about relationships with. I think in reality he's helping me get past that part of me that I'm trying to leave behind this lonely summer. I can't wait to live with him next semester.
In that vein, I might have found a friend whose brother and friends can take over our leases. If so, a weight would be lifted off my shoulders so great I may float.
This morning I made cococut coffee [I got amaretto for you when you come home] and watched my favorite episode of the backyardigans. I was a little hungover, and I'm kind of sad about Max and Miles leaving, but yesterday I got to play with them and Ira and Flossie, and it was a perfect goodbye. I get so attached to my babies....
That is my Saturday morning.
I miss you terribly.
Everytime I drive past your house.
Come home soon.
<3gen
After finding out that Cooper was still a bar-virgin since his 21st in January, we decided to go out last night and deflower him right away. We had both been working all week and it was the first night we both had off together. We only went two places, Little Willies and the Downtown Pub, and they were both really low key and relatively uncrowded. Little Willie's is still my favorite place, and we have to hang out there.
Anyway, after spending about a month with just each other in the house, we managed to have a night out together and still talk and have a great time laughing and enjoying each other's company. I've complained before that Cooper will never be a real friend for me because we can never talk about emotional stuff, but I'm beginning to think that might be a good thing. I can get way too emotional about everything, and sometimes all I talk about are relationships and emo problems. With Cooper, I talk about other things, funny things, and I can be shill and comfortable and maybe it's a good thing that I have a friend in my life who I don't talk about relationships with. I think in reality he's helping me get past that part of me that I'm trying to leave behind this lonely summer. I can't wait to live with him next semester.
In that vein, I might have found a friend whose brother and friends can take over our leases. If so, a weight would be lifted off my shoulders so great I may float.
This morning I made cococut coffee [I got amaretto for you when you come home] and watched my favorite episode of the backyardigans. I was a little hungover, and I'm kind of sad about Max and Miles leaving, but yesterday I got to play with them and Ira and Flossie, and it was a perfect goodbye. I get so attached to my babies....
That is my Saturday morning.
I miss you terribly.
Everytime I drive past your house.
Come home soon.
<3gen
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
"We Are Not As Divided As Our Politics Suggest" or "Something EPIC In America"
What do I wish I could to tell you today?
Well, I wanted to tell you about spending all morning with Max and Miles, building rocket ships and eating egg sandwiches and watching endless episodes of Dora the explorer.
And then I wanted to tell you about coming home and feeling financially secure for the first time in forever, and then how I sat on the couch and drank simply limeade and read everything is illuminated and felt content
But instead, I ended up taking a nap until 9:34, and woke up to history that I can tell my kids about.
Barack Obama secured the Democratic nomination tonight, and gave a speech about paying teachers more and creating a brilliant new healthcare plan and his big, beautiful smile talked about starting over and trying to make america more like the ideals and dreams we were really founded on.
I am now telling you that I can not wait until my kids come home from school, and they say, "mom, weren't you incollege hen we elected the first black president?" or my grandkids come to visit and one of them says, "I'm doing a project on famous African American achievements, and i got Barack Obama! Everyone wanted him! Can you tell me about it?" Even though a first female president would have been as groundbreaking, that history making with a candidate that I believe would make no changes would not have been worth it. This is about more than my candidate winning, which is hopeful in ways you can't understand because I don't think you've ever had the ideal of America that I have had. And it's more than Hillary losing, no matter how awesome that is. And it's not even about being able to work in the campaign office in the fall, even though it is all you're going to hear about until, and likely after, november.
What it's about is electing a leader who can speak in complete sentences- poetic ones at that. It's about having the possibility and hope for change in this country so ruined and wrought with fear from 8 years of mismanagement, cruelty, and stupidity. It is about choosing hope over fear, and treating our constitution as a basis for taking care of people, not a weapon against thought, the less fortunate, and minorities.
It is about this:
But it's a little about Hillary losing.
That is my tuesday.
I miss you darling.
<3gen
Well, I wanted to tell you about spending all morning with Max and Miles, building rocket ships and eating egg sandwiches and watching endless episodes of Dora the explorer.
And then I wanted to tell you about coming home and feeling financially secure for the first time in forever, and then how I sat on the couch and drank simply limeade and read everything is illuminated and felt content
But instead, I ended up taking a nap until 9:34, and woke up to history that I can tell my kids about.
Barack Obama secured the Democratic nomination tonight, and gave a speech about paying teachers more and creating a brilliant new healthcare plan and his big, beautiful smile talked about starting over and trying to make america more like the ideals and dreams we were really founded on.
I am now telling you that I can not wait until my kids come home from school, and they say, "mom, weren't you incollege hen we elected the first black president?" or my grandkids come to visit and one of them says, "I'm doing a project on famous African American achievements, and i got Barack Obama! Everyone wanted him! Can you tell me about it?" Even though a first female president would have been as groundbreaking, that history making with a candidate that I believe would make no changes would not have been worth it. This is about more than my candidate winning, which is hopeful in ways you can't understand because I don't think you've ever had the ideal of America that I have had. And it's more than Hillary losing, no matter how awesome that is. And it's not even about being able to work in the campaign office in the fall, even though it is all you're going to hear about until, and likely after, november.
What it's about is electing a leader who can speak in complete sentences- poetic ones at that. It's about having the possibility and hope for change in this country so ruined and wrought with fear from 8 years of mismanagement, cruelty, and stupidity. It is about choosing hope over fear, and treating our constitution as a basis for taking care of people, not a weapon against thought, the less fortunate, and minorities.
It is about this:
But it's a little about Hillary losing.
That is my tuesday.
I miss you darling.
<3gen
Monday, June 2, 2008
"If We Can Write Our Own Vows" or "Love Is Icky"
I wish I could tell you about going out tonight with my friend from work, and seeing the Sex and the City movie. I wish I could drive to your house, and eat leftovers on the floor, and talk about that the movie was good and showed me something about myself. That I got to the end, and it was romantic and lovely and just what it should have been in every way [not in the ridiculous P.S. I Love You way], and I didn't feel sad. I didn't stare at the screen and want a boyfriend or wish I was in love, I didn't look to each of those leading men and pray that I would find one like him and wish that I had one to go home too.
In fact, I was delighted that those characters on the big screen got such lovely men in their lives, and I was comforted that I had gotten just as lovely ones in my life before. And for once I didn't dwell on the heartbreak, and I didn't want it back, but rather took joy in that I once had it, and it was beautiful and bright, and the kisses were real and the romance was there and that was what mattered. Because remember, you don't have to possess it forever to make it count. Beauty doesn't have to be protected, you don't have to prove it to anyone, what matters is that you had it, not that it is eternal. Beauty shouldn't be eternal, maybe love shouldn't be either.
I would also like to tell you that I watched Amelie and thought of you, and that I wrote my essay for Colin's class and thought of you, and that I read my old journals to Ryan and we talked like best friends do and I told him you and I have a tradition of eating on the floor together and that I hope we always do that forever and ever.
I also want to tell you that Ryan donated old toys of his to my nursery, and that I had a wonderful morning with Ira today. I want to tell you that I have decided Ira is my new love, even if that might sound creepy to people who don't care to understand, but because that cheerful little boy knows nothing about my past or my faults, and even if he did he would love me. Because I could do anything and Ira wouldn't care, but he would still run to me when he cried, and he would still laugh at me when I call him a silly goose, and he would still tell me he loved me when he went to sleep no matter if I failed my math class or got in a car wreck or didn't make enough money. Ira will always, always be head-over-heels for me, and that counts for more than any other love I have ever had. You can't trust anything quite like you can trust a 3 year-old.
That is my Sunday.
Goodnight.
Sincerely Yours,
Genevieve
In fact, I was delighted that those characters on the big screen got such lovely men in their lives, and I was comforted that I had gotten just as lovely ones in my life before. And for once I didn't dwell on the heartbreak, and I didn't want it back, but rather took joy in that I once had it, and it was beautiful and bright, and the kisses were real and the romance was there and that was what mattered. Because remember, you don't have to possess it forever to make it count. Beauty doesn't have to be protected, you don't have to prove it to anyone, what matters is that you had it, not that it is eternal. Beauty shouldn't be eternal, maybe love shouldn't be either.
I would also like to tell you that I watched Amelie and thought of you, and that I wrote my essay for Colin's class and thought of you, and that I read my old journals to Ryan and we talked like best friends do and I told him you and I have a tradition of eating on the floor together and that I hope we always do that forever and ever.
I also want to tell you that Ryan donated old toys of his to my nursery, and that I had a wonderful morning with Ira today. I want to tell you that I have decided Ira is my new love, even if that might sound creepy to people who don't care to understand, but because that cheerful little boy knows nothing about my past or my faults, and even if he did he would love me. Because I could do anything and Ira wouldn't care, but he would still run to me when he cried, and he would still laugh at me when I call him a silly goose, and he would still tell me he loved me when he went to sleep no matter if I failed my math class or got in a car wreck or didn't make enough money. Ira will always, always be head-over-heels for me, and that counts for more than any other love I have ever had. You can't trust anything quite like you can trust a 3 year-old.
That is my Sunday.
Goodnight.
Sincerely Yours,
Genevieve
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