"The View I Woke Up To This Morning"

"No One Thought We'd Survive This" or "I Haven't Felt This Whole In Years"

The sun is just barely considering dropping behind the bright tin roof across the street. This whole room is bright gold and there's laughing leaking from the kitchen. I'm sinking into this overstuffed chaise lounge and I can hear the ocean outside this open window while the breeze crawls in like a child sneaking in after curfew.

If there were an over-the-counter cure for the blues, sunset in a big beautiful house on the beach with your best friends would be it. Montgomery turned out to be a bust when most of my family ended up sick or busy, and a mere 3 hours drive away was my kind of paradise. This three-story house might as well be made out of windows, and everywhere you look there's the ocean. All the furniture is pale beach colors and too big and too full and covered in pillows. Last night we made tons of pasta and ate together at a big table looking out at the stars and we drank wine and laughed and talked and were whole together.

Today there were no plans, just wandering. It was sixty degrees and the sky was so clear you could see the earth curving. We walked through the town and went into the bookstore, up to the record store. We drank cold coffee and looked out at the brightest sun you've ever seen in your whole damn life. We listened to good music and walked to the beach with beer and gelatto and we built pyramids in the sand with our hands. We ran into the ocean, as freezing cold as December would have it, and danced with each other.

Tonight? Who knows. Watching the stars on the beach right after we have wine at the cafe in town. We might have margaritas and eat expensive mexican food and hold hands for the whole night. Or we'll mix drinks in the kitchen and drink out on the porch where we can smell the sand and talk about what it was like when we were in highschool and everything seemed so important.

I'm not thinking about work I have to get done, or what boy is making me feel bad about myself now, or how I'm spending money I don't have. I'm just thinking about sunshine and my best friends. I'm thinking about God and love and snacks and being warm and sand and giggling and books and this amazing couch.

This was the best decision I've made in my life.

<3gen

"Ubiquitous Christmas Post" or "The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year"

I would like to inform all of you that I have now officially done the dishes at least once.

CHECK!

I mean, the living room is full of the remnants of making my parents' Christmas presents, and I haven't taken the trash out yet, I need to take a shower and the whole house smells like tater tots, but hey, one thing at a time people.

In other news, it's taken until Christmas Eve but it finally feels like Christmas to me. I have to work tonight and seeing my kids at church and watching kid's Christmas movies and singing songs and talking about Santa is probably going to really up the holiday spirit.

I can't wait to spend a few hours with Ira and Flossie on Christmas eve, a fantastic present. They each gave me gifts that they picked out themselves. Ira gave me his Cars cup and a snowman dishtowel, and Flossie gave me pink nail polish and a stuffed santa clause. It was clearly just stuff that they had in their house, but it was so sweet that they had picked me out things that they had and wanted to give to me. They even wrapped them themselves! And they piled on top of me and jumped up and down and were so excited to watch me open the presents. It was wonderful. They are my best friends.

I'm ready to be home, and then I'm ready to be in Montgomery for longer than 24 hours. Now I have friends up there, and it occurs to me that even though I've spend so much time up there in my life I never leave my relatives' houses so I don't know anything to do in that damn town. So this time while I'm around seeing family I'll have other people to see and places to go. Not that I don't love spending all day on my aunt Jean's couch, I would spend a day like that no problem.

So I wish everyone a Merry Christmas with families or the people you consider families and be sure to call anyone who isn't with you and tell them you love them. On Christmas you can get away with it and not feel awkward. It's a good excuse holiday. You can't tell everyone you love them on Halloween, that's just weird.

I love you.

<3gen

"Chuck Versus the First Date" or "How's That To Do List Coming?"

So, remember that completely attainable to-do list? Well, I have bad news. As of right now, I have accomplished the following:

1. Completely reversed my "sleep schedule" to the point where I have to put quotation marks around it. I literally have started staying up till 9 or 1oam, then sleeping till evening. This is going to make Christmas tomorrow with the family a little stressful.

2. Cleaned my room, only to then fill it again with about 36 different art projects I decided I needed to work on. None of which are the large piece I need to finish for the living room.

3. Gotten ridiculously inebriated with a dear friend of mine, at which point I send several instant messages and/or text messages to various other dear friends of mine, ensuring that at least one of them isn't speaking to me, or at least hasn't since then. Awesome.

4. Turned my very clean, very roommate-taken-care-of house into my very own brand of a mess. No, I have not done the dishes. Not once.

5. Made 4 boxes of macaroni and cheese, 2 pizzas, a package of frozen burritos, uncountable cups of coffee and one very large, very overflowing, batch of rice. The kitchen reflects these decisions.

6. Spent more time than I care to relate on facebook, netflix, hulu, and youtube. I have fallen in love with the show Chuck.

Maybe that would have been an easier to-do list?

Heavens to betsy, I gotta get out of this house.

<3gen

"Glowing" or "Fleshy Stories From The Borderline"

For those of you who still read it, Carniverous Plants has been updated.

For those of you that have never read it, I am, in fact, aware that Carniverous is misspelled.

<3gen

"So Long To Devotion, You Taught Me Everything I Know" or "To Be Human Is To Procrastinate, Because There Are So Many Important Things"

I first need to thank Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the three wise men, and all that is good and holy that Finals Week is over. This has likely been the most heinous of my college career, as I clocked a meager 10 hours of sleep between waking up Monday morning and falling asleep last night. Remind me, kids, to never do that again. Senior year in college and I have learned precisely nothing regarding work ethic. Cheers.

Now I enter into that black-hole of directionless wandering known as "The Break."

Every time I have an extended break from school, I make the same silly mistake that college kids so often do. Hell, adults too, we all do it. We get a few weeks off and we tell ourselves, "Oh man! I have all this time! I'm gonna get so much done!" I feel like we do this in little bursts over each weekend, and if you're anything like me, you get to Sunday afternoon and you realize you haven't accomplished anything besides maybe finally accepting the fact that no matter how many times you open the fridge, a plate of onion rings and a six pack is just not showin' up. But maybe you should throw away that cheese...

My goals for Christmas Vacation/Spring Break/Summer Off usually looks something like this:

1. Lose weight/Go on a diet
2. Clean my room and keep it clean
3. Read some excessively long book list
4. Get a head start on reading for the semester ahead
5. Work and save money
6. Make great strides for my career
7. Start some zealous African charity single-handedly
8. Write letters
9. Write a novel
10. Paint a masterpiece/Sew an entire new wardrobe

These things, never, ever some to fruition. Lose weight? Seriously? Start reading early for school? This is ridiculous.

So for this break, I am going to make some very realistic goals. Things that I feel are still very important for me to accomplish, but maybe a little easier to reach. Let's remember who we're dealing with, people.

So here's my list for the days of December 12th-January 7th:

1. Get all of my shoes with their matches, and put them in one place. Maybe not neatly, but at least get to the point where I can wear two of the same shoe when I leave the house..
2. Finally finish the big piece of art for the living room.
3. Clean my room. But do not kid myself, it will not stay that way.
4. Clean out my email inbox. Clean out Apwonjo's.
5. Do the dishes at least one time.
6. Clean out the fridge. Throw away that cheese.
7. Watch so much Jon&Kate+8 to the point where it infiltrates my dreams.
8. Make my family some pathetic attempt at Christmas presents.
9. Hang out with new friends in Montgomery.
10. Dance.

Ok, now that I think I can handle.

Hahaha. Lose weight. Man, that kills me.

<3gen

"We Will Count Every Beautiful Thing That We See" or "Love for All"

Maybe all we need is Love, and maybe that's enough.

Watch, and feel good inside.


<3gen

"Chromosome X Has 153 Million Base Pairs" or "Girl Need Attention, And Boys Need Us, So Let's Make Everybody Glad"

I betcha that title made you think this post is about girls. It isn't.

I have recently been repeating Imogen Heap, Mates of State, Kate Nash, Meiko, Johnny Cash, Leonard Cohen, She&Him, and Rufus Wainwright on my computer. These choices have heavily influenced my mood over the last week or so.

It has come to my attention that my beautiful lamp, that I made, that I have had since 10th grade, is finally giving up its ghost. I'm about to go buy a new lamp, but I'm not happy about it.

SLindsey has this new game where she sputs the sletter "S" in front of srandom swords in her sentences. It started aout spretty sannoying. Now it's skinda sadorable.

I get kind of dramatic when I've had alcohol. I also sometimes break things. But overall, parties at Gribbin house are some of the most delightful experiences of my college career.

I made spaghetti today. I wish I made spaghetti more often.

In case you didn't already, scroll down and read the lyrics to "Sentimental Heart" by She&Him. Then go find the song and listen to it. It sums me up so, so well. And in such a nice, pretty box.

I've always wanted to fit into a nice pretty box.

That's the closest I'm gonna get.

Today I'm sorta sad.

<3gen

"La'hov"" or "Your Father Said You Never Looked That Alive"

I recently had this talk with this friend of mine.

When you start the yellow-brick road from friend to close friend, there are landmarks you start to see. When you find out you both really like that one movie, but you don't really know why. When you realize you have had oddly similar high school experiences. Your conversations begin to evolve from music, Friday nights, and how you hate waking up early, into what you think was your greatest mistake, your relationship with your mother, and, the most inevitable of all the conversations, what exactly IS so wrong with you.

So we were knee-deep in the inevitable. You explain yourself. It has to do with my father, this one thing that happened when I was a kid, these memories, these dreams I've had, the way that I always feel like I walk on one foot more than the other. Maybe the reasons here aren't important.

But I was explaining that I have a real problem with giving myself a hard time. Everything is my fault, because I messed up. And it is likely because I'm ugly, neurotic, useless, overbearing, ridiculous, hyperemotional, and too damn loud. This list may sometimes also include, though is not limited to, laziness, procrastination, carelessness, thoughtlessness, getting too attached too fast, being too easily devastated, being too easily excited, and lacking what I feel is an integral feature of most effective human beings, a filter between your head and your mouth. That is what I covet the most.

As I let these things fall out of my mouth and skate across the floor like little glass marbles, he looked with earnest eyes and said, "Why? That's stupid. You should know what when you make a mistake, or when a boy doesn't like you back, it's not because you're ugly or not smart enough or not good enough. Shit just happens sometimes."

Not to say that I haven't heard it before, I have. But this was from the guy that "doesn't like me back", so I think that made me listen more.

Today when I got coffee at the Java City in the library, when I got my card handed back to me, there was a Christmas card with it. The lady behind the counter smiled, and didn't say anything. I said thank you, and smiled, and went to get my coffee. As I poured in cream and half of a splenda packet, I read the card:

"Dear Pinky,
Thank you for always making us smile, and always being so nice.

Merry Christmas,
Java City"

It is good to remember that sometimes you are making people happy and you don't even know it. And maybe the stuff I make myself feel awful about should never be as important as the stuff that I should make myself feel delighted about.

Also, I'm never dyeing this hard back. Not ever.

<3gen