I think that this year is the year that God said, "Genevieve, your priorities have gone wonky. You need to wake up." Then he woke me up. It was a painful rousing, like a child emerging from the womb terrified and crying and being slapped into breath, but I looked around and saw a completely different world. It was like I'd been blind for the last 20 years.
The minister at my church has taken in two children who have nowhere else to go. They both have special needs, and he has asked me to help him take care of them this week. To see this man step into their lives and take them in when he by no means has to, but just out of the goodness in him, is uplifting. And today I saw two kids who are fun and laugh all the time, and do their work and love to show off everything that they love. They dance and laugh and ask a million questions, and are always smiling.
Before this year, my priorities consisted of:
1. boyfriend
2. boyfriend
3. school
4. boyfriend
5. money
6. friends
7. family
8. art
9. being as childish and cute as I could manage
10. African charity
After everything this year, some things have shifted. And despite still being the same girl, things have certainly changed. When I broke up with my one true love this year, I told him that my priorities had changed and that was true. That sort of love fell off the list and I had a new set of rules:
1. Family
2. Children
3. Love
4. Quiet
5. Prayer
6. Belief
7. Taking care of each other
8. Appreciating every single thing in the world
9. School
10. Dreams
I have been very stressed with working for the Obama campaign, doing what is required of me for Apwonjo, keeping my grades up through the struggles, and my to-do list keeps going on page after page. And last night when helping taking care of these kids was added to the list, I felt overwhelmed and unable to take it. I stayed up too late and drank a little too much and had a headache in the morning and thought that maybe I was going to stay in bed all day and ignore everything I felt that was required of me.
But it was too pretty outside.
I'm still pretty worried about the economy, though.
<3gen
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
"The Day That Great Liberty Sulks On Her Stand" or "The Towers Were Not The Only Thing That Fell"
How long was it before they started calling it The Great Depression?
When the people were standing on the edge of it, or when they were a few months or years into it, did they look around and think "We are about to enter the Great Depression?"
How long was it before they called it the 7 Years War? What about WWII? When disasters are on the horizon, rushing onto us like a hurricane onto a coast, how long until you give it a name, you know what it is, or know what it was?
What are they going to call this?
I have an overwhelming feeling that we, right now, at this exact moment, are on the edge of something big. There is a great shift happening right under us and around us and I wonder if they'll look back on this day or this year or these 8 years and ask themselves, "Did they see it coming? How could they not see it coming?"
We are on the verge of completely consuming our natural resources where we're talking in decades and not in centuries. We possess less than 5% of the global population and yet we use over 25% of every natural resource that our planet provides. The climate change is creating the most severe weather across the planet that we have seen, and the air in our lungs turn to smoke while Polar Bears die homeless. The foreclosure rates in our country climb as families end up on the streets, and more and more moms and dad walk home with their head in their hands without jobs that they planned to retire with. The largest mortgage financing and insurance companies are dropping off Wall Street's Marquees like dried bugs from spider's webs. The President of the United States is begging for help. We are borrowing 20% of every dollar we spend from other countries who are bigger and smarter than us and our national debt reached 9 Trillion this month. We have spent 7 years across the world fighting[losing] a war that was poorly planned, poorly executed, and poorly intended. Our losses have topped 3000 lives, and God only knows how many Iraqis we have killed. Iraqi children have mother and fathers just as our children here do, and do not mourn them one second less than you mourn ours.
What is happening to my country?
As I watched the Presidential Address late last night, all I could hear from President Bush was "Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. What have we done? What have I done? What are we going to do? "
We are failing. The country with streets made of gold, with the greatest opportunities for success and changing lives, with our beautiful green lady who stands on our coastline and welcomes all who have no where else to go, I can hear her turning her head and her lowering her torch and begging forgiveness from her huddled masses as she trudges through the dirty bay water where she will surely crumble.
All this time we've been afraid of 1984 or Farenheight 451. We have feared mind control, censorship, discrimination and thoughtcrime. But have we been afraid of the wrong sort of dystopias? I think it's time to realize that the real world problems are far worse than the worlds that Orwell and Bradbury imagined. At least the ThoughtPolice had jobs.
I can not shake the foreboding cloud that I feel is upon us. I thought that one day my children would ask "Mom, weren't you in college when the first black president was elected?"
But now..."Mom, how old were you during the Great Disaster of 2008?"
"Where were you when China bought Montana?"
"Mommy, when did you move to France from America?"
"A long time ago, sweetheart. When it was a very, very different place."
Avant il est mort....
--Genevieve
When the people were standing on the edge of it, or when they were a few months or years into it, did they look around and think "We are about to enter the Great Depression?"
How long was it before they called it the 7 Years War? What about WWII? When disasters are on the horizon, rushing onto us like a hurricane onto a coast, how long until you give it a name, you know what it is, or know what it was?
What are they going to call this?
I have an overwhelming feeling that we, right now, at this exact moment, are on the edge of something big. There is a great shift happening right under us and around us and I wonder if they'll look back on this day or this year or these 8 years and ask themselves, "Did they see it coming? How could they not see it coming?"
We are on the verge of completely consuming our natural resources where we're talking in decades and not in centuries. We possess less than 5% of the global population and yet we use over 25% of every natural resource that our planet provides. The climate change is creating the most severe weather across the planet that we have seen, and the air in our lungs turn to smoke while Polar Bears die homeless. The foreclosure rates in our country climb as families end up on the streets, and more and more moms and dad walk home with their head in their hands without jobs that they planned to retire with. The largest mortgage financing and insurance companies are dropping off Wall Street's Marquees like dried bugs from spider's webs. The President of the United States is begging for help. We are borrowing 20% of every dollar we spend from other countries who are bigger and smarter than us and our national debt reached 9 Trillion this month. We have spent 7 years across the world fighting[losing] a war that was poorly planned, poorly executed, and poorly intended. Our losses have topped 3000 lives, and God only knows how many Iraqis we have killed. Iraqi children have mother and fathers just as our children here do, and do not mourn them one second less than you mourn ours.
What is happening to my country?
As I watched the Presidential Address late last night, all I could hear from President Bush was "Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. What have we done? What have I done? What are we going to do? "
We are failing. The country with streets made of gold, with the greatest opportunities for success and changing lives, with our beautiful green lady who stands on our coastline and welcomes all who have no where else to go, I can hear her turning her head and her lowering her torch and begging forgiveness from her huddled masses as she trudges through the dirty bay water where she will surely crumble.
All this time we've been afraid of 1984 or Farenheight 451. We have feared mind control, censorship, discrimination and thoughtcrime. But have we been afraid of the wrong sort of dystopias? I think it's time to realize that the real world problems are far worse than the worlds that Orwell and Bradbury imagined. At least the ThoughtPolice had jobs.
I can not shake the foreboding cloud that I feel is upon us. I thought that one day my children would ask "Mom, weren't you in college when the first black president was elected?"
But now..."Mom, how old were you during the Great Disaster of 2008?"
"Where were you when China bought Montana?"
"Mommy, when did you move to France from America?"
"A long time ago, sweetheart. When it was a very, very different place."
Avant il est mort....
--Genevieve
Sunday, September 14, 2008
"Are We Growing Backwards With Time?" or "I Can't Believe My Parents Haven't Tried To Return Me Yet"
This blog entry is not typical.
At least not for me.
For the past, oh, forever, my dozens of blogs all over the internet have been devoted, at least in part, to despising my parents. Go back to a post from high school, middle school, even the start of college, and probably 1/3 of every word I wrote was how my parents were jerks, they didn't know what the hell they were doing, and they made me madder than a George Bush's fifth grade teacher when she graded his spelling tests. I was a good teenager.
Everyone says you love your parents more as you get older. I have always loved my parents, but good golly you start to see how much they do for you. I'm not saying that it justifies every pissy thing your mom said or every time your dad yelled at you for something silly, but it makes you understand that they're people, and people get frustrated and people make mistakes and people are people.
These people also spend egregious amounts of money on you that you in no way deserve or have even the slightest idea how to spend properly. And yet, they place in your hand, along with sage advice that they know you won't heed, and a faith in you that can only compare to the faith that God puts in you to make good decisions.
When I'm making plans, my dad calls way too often, and it drives me crazy. But if he didn't, I probably would never be as safe, or as informed, or as taken care of without his calls. On Saturday my car battery died without provocation. I was frustrated and mad and cranky, and my dad not only stayed on the phone with me through all my rants and raves, but also paid to have my car batter replaced and have the air conditioner fixed. And my mother, when I called in tears from the parking lot of the radiology clinic where of course the ONLY appointment they had for an MRI was 8am, she kindly and with the soothing voice that only a mother can have got the AAA card from her desk, read me the numbers 2 times, and reassured me that everything was going to be fine.
And although the appreciation and insurmountable love of a 21 year-old daughter does not necessarily justify every whiney speech your daughter gave you, or every time she made some really stupid decisions with tennis balls and boys she liked and lighter fluid, maybe it shows a mom and dad that she's human, and that sometimes people make mistakes, and sometimes people get frustrated, and sometimes people don't spend money wisely no matter how many times you say it.
They'll understand when they're older I guess.
My parents rule.
<3gen
At least not for me.
For the past, oh, forever, my dozens of blogs all over the internet have been devoted, at least in part, to despising my parents. Go back to a post from high school, middle school, even the start of college, and probably 1/3 of every word I wrote was how my parents were jerks, they didn't know what the hell they were doing, and they made me madder than a George Bush's fifth grade teacher when she graded his spelling tests. I was a good teenager.
Everyone says you love your parents more as you get older. I have always loved my parents, but good golly you start to see how much they do for you. I'm not saying that it justifies every pissy thing your mom said or every time your dad yelled at you for something silly, but it makes you understand that they're people, and people get frustrated and people make mistakes and people are people.
These people also spend egregious amounts of money on you that you in no way deserve or have even the slightest idea how to spend properly. And yet, they place in your hand, along with sage advice that they know you won't heed, and a faith in you that can only compare to the faith that God puts in you to make good decisions.
When I'm making plans, my dad calls way too often, and it drives me crazy. But if he didn't, I probably would never be as safe, or as informed, or as taken care of without his calls. On Saturday my car battery died without provocation. I was frustrated and mad and cranky, and my dad not only stayed on the phone with me through all my rants and raves, but also paid to have my car batter replaced and have the air conditioner fixed. And my mother, when I called in tears from the parking lot of the radiology clinic where of course the ONLY appointment they had for an MRI was 8am, she kindly and with the soothing voice that only a mother can have got the AAA card from her desk, read me the numbers 2 times, and reassured me that everything was going to be fine.
And although the appreciation and insurmountable love of a 21 year-old daughter does not necessarily justify every whiney speech your daughter gave you, or every time she made some really stupid decisions with tennis balls and boys she liked and lighter fluid, maybe it shows a mom and dad that she's human, and that sometimes people make mistakes, and sometimes people get frustrated, and sometimes people don't spend money wisely no matter how many times you say it.
They'll understand when they're older I guess.
My parents rule.
<3gen
Friday, September 12, 2008
"Don't Stop Believin" or "I Can Sometimes Hear My Brain Melting"
You know, for a while, I was doing a really good job of keeping my stress level down. I always managed to take a moment and breathe, and think "Everything is ok, Genevieve, just take a few breaths, it's not the end of the world." Then I would think about the children in Africa that I fight for, and how they are worrying about where they will get their next meal, and if their parents are dead, and if they'll ever feel safe, and I think my problems aren't worth the stress I waste on them.
I haven't been remembering that very well this week.
I've been so stressed out my head hurts and I'm tired all the time. I hope that this weekend will soften the blow, but today alone is so hectic I can't possibly fit everything in. I have to miss half of my art class to go this stupid orthopedist appointment that I don't even need, I have to help a friend at 6, lingerie shower at 7, James is coming into town and I have a movie night with Bud later tonight. All of this on top of the drawing project I am nowhere NEAR completing, what is essentially two weeks of French homework that I have let backup because every time I sit down to do it I feel so stupid and useless that I give up, another 2 weeks of math homework that I ahve an identical reaction to, half of a novel to read in an English class that makes me want to gouge my teacher's eyes out, and trying to raise money for an orphanage in Tanzania although the University I attend will do all that it can to prevent me from doing so.
All I want is for all of this to go away, and I can fly to Europe and watch the ballet for eternity.
Oh, did I mention I still ahve about 30 hours of work on the church murals?
AAAGGGHHH.....
<3gen
I haven't been remembering that very well this week.
I've been so stressed out my head hurts and I'm tired all the time. I hope that this weekend will soften the blow, but today alone is so hectic I can't possibly fit everything in. I have to miss half of my art class to go this stupid orthopedist appointment that I don't even need, I have to help a friend at 6, lingerie shower at 7, James is coming into town and I have a movie night with Bud later tonight. All of this on top of the drawing project I am nowhere NEAR completing, what is essentially two weeks of French homework that I have let backup because every time I sit down to do it I feel so stupid and useless that I give up, another 2 weeks of math homework that I ahve an identical reaction to, half of a novel to read in an English class that makes me want to gouge my teacher's eyes out, and trying to raise money for an orphanage in Tanzania although the University I attend will do all that it can to prevent me from doing so.
All I want is for all of this to go away, and I can fly to Europe and watch the ballet for eternity.
Oh, did I mention I still ahve about 30 hours of work on the church murals?
AAAGGGHHH.....
<3gen
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
"I Never Loved My Smile Until I Knew You" or "The Divine Providence of Cancelled Class"
So, this morning i got up at 7 and ran myself ragged all over town to get the textbook for my English class. My teacher gave us a full 2 months early notice to buy the book, and I'm well into September and still without it. I knew that today she was finally going to look at me in the front of the class, my pink hair blazing, and slap me.
She seems like that kind of lady.
However, after 3 stores and 30 minutes in the library, I've got nothing. We're reading My Antonia, so I've got the knowledge of the text no problem, but I know that the slap is coming. I check my email before I walk on to my doom:
"Hi Class--I am canceling today's class because I am sick. When we reconvene on Thursday we will cover the reading for today, so if you have already done it, that's all you have to do. I'll adjust the syllabus accordingly and get you all revised copies.
Thanks, HW"
Um.... awesome.
This is also handy because I can't find my syllabus, so thank goodness for today. Go karma.
In other news, I have been busier the last few days than I've been since last year. I am now doing the Sunday School lessons and Wednesday night lessons for church, and my kids are semi-cognoscente now so I have to actually try. And as far as Apwonjo, well, yesterday i spent 4 hours sending out 6 batches of emails, creating a facebook event, updating the website, reserving rooms and tables, talking to Corey about writing an article, writing up two excel files, cross-referencing them, and typing up minutes.
Oh, but I did spare 2 hours in the evening to curl my hair and take pretty pictures of my face.
Hey, I've got priorities.
And a nice smile.
<3gen
She seems like that kind of lady.
However, after 3 stores and 30 minutes in the library, I've got nothing. We're reading My Antonia, so I've got the knowledge of the text no problem, but I know that the slap is coming. I check my email before I walk on to my doom:
"Hi Class--I am canceling today's class because I am sick. When we reconvene on Thursday we will cover the reading for today, so if you have already done it, that's all you have to do. I'll adjust the syllabus accordingly and get you all revised copies.
Thanks, HW"
Um.... awesome.
This is also handy because I can't find my syllabus, so thank goodness for today. Go karma.
In other news, I have been busier the last few days than I've been since last year. I am now doing the Sunday School lessons and Wednesday night lessons for church, and my kids are semi-cognoscente now so I have to actually try. And as far as Apwonjo, well, yesterday i spent 4 hours sending out 6 batches of emails, creating a facebook event, updating the website, reserving rooms and tables, talking to Corey about writing an article, writing up two excel files, cross-referencing them, and typing up minutes.
Oh, but I did spare 2 hours in the evening to curl my hair and take pretty pictures of my face.
Hey, I've got priorities.And a nice smile.
<3gen
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
"Click Here For Pink Hair Photo" or "She's A Bitch, But I Love Her Anyway"
If you ever dislocate your knee while you're play-fighting with your friend in someone's kitchen, and the same weekend you end up with a broken down car that has to be towed to your home about 50 miles away, and you end up at that home with your family and you can't walk and your cable is out and you don't know what to do, you should probably dye your hair pink.
I'm just saying, it certainly makes you feel better.
More news to come, just too busy this week.
<3gen
p.s. Have I mentioned lately how overwhelmingly much I admire my mom? Or how indescribably proud I am of my father? Or exactly how greatly and immensely I love both of my parents? Well, just in case I didn't, I do.
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