Monday, June 9, 2008

"It All Goes Downhill After the Wedding, 1941" or "We'll Count Every Beautiful Thing That We See"

Tonight I'm having trouble sleeping.

I've almost finished Everything Is Illuminated, and I'm waiting to find that passage that you told me about, the one that talks about everything beautiful being jewish, and I want to send it to Rutsky and hope that he isn't mad at me anymore. I don't know why he is mad at me in the first place, but whatever the reason, I hope that it makes him love me again.

Ryan Spain is in Disneyworld and I am so jealous of him. I have missed him lately.

Cooper and I are going on some more apartment hunting tomorrow, after vacation bible school. I have tomorrow and Wednesday off, which will be wonderful. I have been absolutely run ragged lately. I feel like Target is eating my life. Some days are better than others. Yesterday was very hard and difficult, today was fairly nice and fun. It should get easier with time, most things do.

As soon as I get past my 90-day trial period, when they can fire you for any reason, I'm going to dye my hair pink. I suppose so that they can fire me with a reason. But i don't care, my hair needs to be pink and it needs to be pink very soon.

I miss you. I miss just knowing you're around, just the energy you give me. Some days are easier than others, to live this new life I'm living. Ben asked Cooper if he would ask me if I wanted to get back together, and the mere thought of it just made me sigh with anticipation of the effort of feeling emotion again. Feelings feel so heavy now, like I'm dragging the ground. I haven't thought of heartbreak in so long, of need, of affection. Now those feelings are nothing but chores.

Is that what I wanted?

This is my early Monday morning.
I can see Ira soon.
My true love.

<3gen

1 comment:

LindseyJayne said...

Now that you're needing something new to read, and you're using metaphors of weight, you have to move on to The Unbearable Lightness of Being :).

ACTUALLY, what I must beg you to read is Eat Pray Love. Please please, it's an easy read, and I think it's what you need in your life right now. Think of the book as a message from me to you.

I miss you oh so well. I have SO SO much to tell you about the schools here. I miss you a ton!