"New And Clean" or "It Isn't Raining Rain You Know, It's Raining Violets"

I feel.....different.

I have kept my room clean ever since I moved in. It's been almost a month, and I don't think my room has ever been clean that long at one time- ever. I had a guy over to my apartment last night, and I showed him my room and I didn't have to joke about what color the carpet was or tell him to watch where he stepped. I was proud, even, of how nice it looked. I almost wanted to show him that all my clothes in my dresser were folded, open my file cabinet and show my alphabetized records, or even that my closet was organized. I didn't, but I could. I actually clean my room now about once or twice a day, right when I wake up and right before I go to bed.

In other different news, last night I was at a party before this whole scenario, and I actually didn't have to be connected to Lindsey the entire time. Actually, I have been to two camp parties before then [the Camp McDowell crew that I always attach myself to Lindsey when I'm around because I feel so left out most of the time] and I managed to hold my own. I know that's really nice for Lindsey, too, as I'm sure she notices that I never leave her side when we go out together. A few nights ago, too, I actually left a group of friends because I just sort of wanted to go home and hang out by myself. I know this sounds fairly normal, but for me I would never leave a group of friends to go home and be alone. The very thought was repulsive, as too much time alone at my house would inevitably result in tears, my belief that no one loved me and I have no friends, and listening to the Avett Brothers until I felt completely abandoned. But now? I love the time I have to myself, without obligation, without plans, just by myself. Tonight I left Lindsey's house and came home, made myself dinner [after desperately trying to defrost our frozen fridge], and sewed my new papasan chair cover. Now I'm listening to my girl Judy, and sitting all alone, and really loving it.

Is this being grown up?

Whatever it is, it's different.
Different is good.

<3gen