"To Whom It May Concern" or "The Year Of Collapsed Lungs"

Dear Genevieve,

It has recently come to our attention that the event that you have worked so diligently on has come to fruition. We hear that you were successful in educating your campus about the genocide in Darfur, and for that, we applaud you. However, due to your dedication to your cause, you have taken part in behaviors that are detrimental to your health. We here, in your insides, request that you cease and desist these activities immediately.

Two lattes and a burrito at 3AM does not constitute 3 meals a day. Nor does 2 hotpockets at 11AM qualify you to not eat again for the rest of the day. Coffee is not a fruit, vegetable, or protein, and we ask that when you do partake of it, you do not equate it with a healthy lunch option. Also, let us bring to your attention that ingesting 52grams of caffeine a day to compensate for lack of sleep is not, let us say, the proper answer to poor sleep patterns. We suggest that instead, you sleep more.

This brings us to our next point, that 2-4 hours of sleep per night is unacceptable. This has gone on far too long and we can no longer support you if you insist upon staying awake for completely inappropriate lengths of time. You should FOR NO REASON be awake at 4AM, especially if you have not yet gone to sleep. This goes also for 3AM, 5AM, and 6AM. The hours of sleep that you have been getting are by no one's standard adequate, and we will be forced to make you lose consciousness at very inconvenient times if you continue to behave in this manner.

We have been informed that you have the following to finish before December 12: French Oral Exam, French Final, English Paper, English Final, 2 Full-Size self-portraits, Final Blount Presentation, Political Science Final, and a Political Science Group Project. We understand that this is overwhelming and can, at time, make you not eat or sleep. However, we would like to assure you that if you do not receive proper nourishment or rest, these projects will still not be done well or be finished.

If you do not comply with these requests, we will be forced to take immediate action. We do not want to use our powers to take over the well-being of this body, but if we have to, by god, we'll throw you on the floor in art class and get you into a hospital bed by the end of the week.

Have a nice day.

Sincerely Yours,
Your Insides