"Beauty Exists Only In Struggle" or "3 Voicemail Boxes, 2 Bright Pants, and 1 Pair of Heart-Shaped Sunglasses"

OH. DEAR. GOD.

I am, officially, 9 days away from graduating college. I am 9 days away from the following signs of grown-up-titude:
--My own health insurance
--A land-line home phone
--A work phone number
--Operating a fax machine
--Business cards with the word "administrator" on them
--Alcohol intended to last more than one evening

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?

I remember sitting in Mrs. Amamoo's kindergarten class, practicing writing my name, becoming increasingly frustrated with how many E's were in my name. I could see into the Mrs. Cain's first grade classroom (I can't believe I still remember her name). And I remember, so distinctly, looking into that room and thinking to myself

"I am never, EVER, going to make it to first grade."

How did I get here?

How did I get from rolling myself over, to walking on two legs, to tying my shoes, to spelling my name, to fingerpainting, to riding a tricycle, to playing dress-up, to getting a little sister, to picking out my own clothes, to stop getting toys for christmas, to wearing makeup, to getting allowance, to getting boyfriends, to getting kisses, to being rebellious, to learning to drive, to reading literature, to graduating high school, to drinking my way through sophomore year, to being in love, to losing it all, to gaining the world, to figuring myself out, to being THIS FUCKING CLOSE to being a REAL ADULT.

You just don't plan your life this far in advance, you can't. Even now, being 9 days away from the real, live world, I'm having trouble picturing it. Every age and year until 22 has a milestone, has memories, has a clear picture. After this? Things get blurry. What does the world after school look like?

If you had told me when I came to college that in 4 years I would be in love with a class of four year-olds, outwardly bisexual, without a boyfriend and LOVING IT, living with my male best friend, and have a job as a church secretary, I would have gotten offended, climbed in bed with my boyfriend, and snuggled blissfully into crazytown.

The craziest thing?

Everyone was right.
About everything.

And I had it all so very wrong.

Thank God.

<3gen

p.s. I'll probably get a tumblr soon. Further bulletins as events warrant.